New Year Kiss
by TheKats
Summary: Nobody expects Blair Waldorf at Nate's New Year's party. Nobody even sees her when she arrives incognito to get her New Year kiss...
1. Chapter 1

A/N Dair phase doesn't seem to stop. I didn't even have this in my mind, I started writing it, and you can help me with your reviews whether I should continue or not. :) I might not be able to write this following week, but if there is interest I'll catch up when I'm back from vacation.

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Nate Archibald is throwing a New Year party and all the names that matter on Mahnattan are invited. His first attempt to win the elections for mayor of New York City, failed miserably, so he thinks that he really needs to go away from the political scene with style and class and never return there, even though his grandfather thinks that he did a perfect job for a 26 year old.

His new penthouse near Wall Street is too big for him, yet now he thinks it'd be too small for the crowd of people that are about to arrive to the party. Approximately there would be around 90 people and it scares him. But the invitations are already sent and he is definitely doing this.

Serena van der Woodsen is sharing her time in her mother's penthouse and Dan's new apartment in the same building. Lily moved to Florida for indefinite time and Serena practically owns the place now. Although they have two huge places for themselves, the relationship isn't quite the best. Nothing is wrong, yet she can't help but rethink her decision. Everything between them is so disgustingly predicting and boring, she can't help but feel like screaming at times. Yet she knows, the only reason she won't give up on him is the fact that she is scared that he will get over her in no time and maybe, just maybe try and find his way to get Blair. Even though Blair is spending most of the time in Dubai and Japan, with Chuck, she's scared that both of them will find their way. She jumped into that relationship just like in any other previous relationship she had – without thinking. She never truly worried about the emotional baggage her boyfriends carried with them, from previous relationships or life. But now she has to go to bed, every night with the thought that whenever she watches him being in the middle of a REM cycle, moving his eyes, he's actually dreaming of Blair Waldorf. If at the beginning she was peaceful because she knew that Blair hated Dan's guts, she had the terrible doubt, when Blair called three months ago to tell her that she and Chuck aren't doing well. When two months ago, Blair flew in New York and stayed for two days, they only had a chance for a quick lunch where Blair blurted out that she's just empty and depressed and doesn't know for how long she'd stay in the golden Bass cage. She was engaged to Chuck for years, yet they never discussed a wedding, although through the years it was the only thing Blair wanted. Then Serena realized that she wasn't wearing the huge Henry Winston ring on her ring finger. She caught herself lying how happy Dan and her were, when Blair cut her down, saying that the last thing she wants to hear about was the monkey from Brooklyn. That's when Serena knew that that road was very risky and that Blair was bluffing. It wasn't that Blair wanted to hear about Dan, she didn't want to hear that Dan was happy with her. She could have only hope that Blair wouldn't come back home in the near future.

...

Nate called Dan in his penthouse just two days before the party. It was a laid back night over beer and cigars, and light conversations.

"So, you invited the entire town?" – Dan smiles.

"Only the ones that mattered. About hundred people" – He smiles. – "I don't know why I'm doing this, I thought it was a good idea, but now I'm not so sure". Nate's phone interruppts the conversation and he takes it from the kitchen. Five minutes later, he comes back. – "It was Blair, she and Chuck won't make it to the party."

Although Dan hasn't spoken to her in years, nor seen her, a sharp stab disturbs his intestines. He doesn't say anything, just nods.

"Sometimes, I think that the worst thing she could ever do to herself was getting back with Chuck." – Nate sighs, and lights another cigar. Dan is looking at him, not really glad to get the topic of Blair Waldorf to the table. Yet, he doesn't keep his promise not to talk or ask about her, so he asks.

"Why?"

"Because, people like Chuck remain the same. I don't think they'll ever get married until Blair actually comes to her senses and leave him for good, realizing that she's wasting her time with him. And for what? Chuck always needed a victim, someone who'd…" – He stops. – "I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear about this, let's switch the topic." – And Dan doesn't ask another question about her.

On the way home he is wondering if he will ever going to feel anything alike that love he had for her. Although at home he was awaited by a blond model looking type heiress, since the first day he knew that he was fighting his best to start feeling anything about her.

When he arrives in his apartment, Serena has ordered food and is waiting for him, dressed in cozy silky pajamas.

"Are we that lazy and busy to decorate our own three?" – She smacks a quick kiss on his lips. Dan is hardly even noticing the holidays since he moved in the new appartment, because he never felt that place as his home, but more a trophy he got with the money from the books. Decorating a three seemed like too much work and even though Serena was always getting him already decorated onr, he hated it. Decorating threes for Christmas was for families, he thought, and since his father was traveling with his new girlfriend and Jenny was in London, he didn't think it had sense at all.

"You know what I think of it, plus we can always get someone do it for money, or you can decorate yours. I'm lazy"

The night is quiet, they eat and watch a movie and then he falls asleep. Serena picks up her sleepers and goes back in her penthouse. A terrible feeling tortures her the entire night.

Nate's penthouse is impeccably decorated. The living room with an extravagant view above Central Park, was emptied from furniture. Near the big windows, white Christmas three is decorated with golden ornaments and super tiny lights and it was giving the whole place a beautiful touch. Every window is framed with matching Christmas lights and the huge balcony has ice figures. The bar is equiped with every possible drink someone could imagine to order and on the other side of the room, a small stage is build for the several musicians who were about to perform – from classical jazzers to a DJ for after midnight.

People start showing up around nine thirty. They are all in the mood, happy to attend the hottest party on Manhattan, wearing sparkling dresses and finest tuxedos. Nate is a perfect host. His longish hair is slicked back, so his face as one of his best features is absolutely glowing. He isn't particularly happy or in the mood, but he hopes that once he greets everyone with his golden million dollar smile, he's going to fix himself by the bar and stay there till he can stay on his feet.

Dan and Serena walk through the elevator. He greets them, not being too much excited, but when he realizes another blond is walking behind them, his face lights up. Jenny stands behind them, wearing long black leather coat, and her blond hair is spread across her shoulders.

"I came without an invitation" – She smiles dreamily.

"You don't need one" – He hugs her.

People are having fun, drinking, clincking glasses and laughing. Dan seems to be the only one who has bored face and counts the minutes till the moment he'd go home and sleep. Serena and he didn't really have a nice afternoon, she wasn't in the mood for the party either, but even though he begged her to stay at home and just watch movies, she of course rejected, saying that she's too young for a crappy New Year and that she'd have her old days to watch TV on December 31. They haven't shared a word the entire afternoon after the little fight.

At Nate's she seems like she was having nice time, she met some old friends and Dan remains staying alone at the bar. He was looking at her. People were jealous of him, he knew that. She was all that a man could possibly want. She was wearing short backless dress, sprinkled with silver rhinestones. Her hair was shiny, curled in loose curls and her face was angelic as always. Yet, she didn't cause any emotions in him…She didn't feel like home and he knew that since he got back together with her. He shakes off his thoughts, promising himself that he won't analyze or over think on New Year's. Instead he orders double Whiskey.

As the party gets hotter and as more people get drunker and more laid back, Dan thinks that he really has to go out on the balcony otherwise he feels like suffocating. Of course, there are people too, the smokers mostly, who wanted to enjoy their time outside. The good thing is that the only lights on the balcony are coming from the million little lights that are twisted around the fence and on the table where the ice statues are set. He enjoys the fact that he don't really have to speak to people, because they either are tipsy or drunk enough so they aren't able to see in the semi dark place. He is quite drunk himself, but sober enough to know that he is just fine outside, avoiding Serena right before midnight.

But as the countdown starts, and the people are incoherently yelling, Serena finds him, and just when the clock shows midnight, she hugs him and wishes him happy new year. He know that he's an asshole, for not saying anything to her, or for slightly moving his head aside when she attempts to kiss him.

"God, you're so drunk, we should go home before you collapse" – She starts giggling, her being tipsy as well. Dan doesn't say anything to that, just nods, feeling relieved that he'd meet his bed finally. People are also hugging him and saying Happy New Year, but he is merely listening to them. Serena promises to find Nate and tell him that they are leaving, and tells Dan to wait for her right there.

It is 00:08, when he sees his phone and most of the people who were smoking and drinking on the balcony were all inside, greeting the other party guests, getting more drinks and dancing idiotically on the DJ sets, that just started.

He feels the cold air, watching the park from the ninteeneth floor. Small snowflakes are falling down as he is standing there, rethinking again his life and choices, unable to get off his head what Nate told him about Chuck and Blair. He hated himself for that, and in order to chase those thoughts away, he turns around urgently, meaning to get inside and find Serena.

Few steps away from him, by the door, is a dark figure of a woman. He could have been blind, but he would have recognized her any where. Her Channel Madmoiselle was now getting to his nostrils and he's standing frozen on his spot. She isn't moving from her spot either, she just stands there, with her arms crossed above her chest, one holding the fur lapels below her throat, protecting herself from the cold.

"Happy New Year, Humphrey"- She finally speaks with raspy voice. – "I guess I'm late" – He wants to move closer, to see her face, to see what happened of her, if she was still pretty, or life with Chuck made her tired and uglier. There is no voice in his throat. He knows that he couldn't be that drunk to imagine things, but everything seem so surreal, that even he couldn't imagine such thing in his stories. He takes a deep breath and releases it sharply.

"Happy New Year" – He mumbles. She slowly walks towards him. As she comes to the dim light of the balcony, he sees that she is still the same Waldorf he knew. Her face is pale and her lips are painted in a shiny red lip gloss, semi parted, breathing out steam because of the cold weather. She finally looks at him with her big eyes covered with dark eye shadow. Her hair is curled in long spirals and he can sense the well known scent of it. – "Late for the party? It was shit anyway" – He adds. She is now pretty close to him, and it mortifies him so much, he has to turn around and face the snowy city again. – "Did you see Serena?" - He asks, feeling her standing next to him, almost too close, it burns. She isn't holding the long fur coat anymore, letting it part open, from where he could see her silky dark green dress, and her alabaster skin on the chest and a neck covered with big emeralds.

"I just walked in" – She says.

"Where's Chuck?"- He asks, completely aware that he sounds like a naïve moron. Blair giggles with pain, putting her hands on the fence, next to his and he realizes that there is just one big emerald ring on her index finger.

"Not here, for sure" – She says. – "I didn't mean late for the party" – She adds.

It makes him turn towards her.

"You mean, late, as…pregnant?" – He asks. She looks at him, turning her body towards him. She observes his eyes, the way they were semi closed from the alcohol, his nose, the fact that he was too lazy to shave his week old beard, his parted lips.

"Jesus Christ, Humphrey, you are unbelievably stupid" – She says.

"I'm just drunk" – They are standing very close to each other, not even thinking that Serena can come out there any minute.

"I was really trying my best to get here on time, because scheduling flights for the holidays is a bitch, and for sure I didn't plan to wait for the new year on a beach. I had to be home" – She sighs. He observes her lips moving, unconsciensly and slowly leaning over her.

"How long has it been? Two years?" – He asks.

"And a half" – She adds. – "I saw you kissing Serena at midnight, just when I arrived." – She breaths out heavily each word. – "That's why I meant, I was late"

"Oh…" – He isn't moving his eyes from her face. – "She's my girlfriend, it's what we're doing…"

"Then why aren't you with her, inside, but you're standing here, alone, in the cold"

"I'm the ultimate outsider, if you remember?" – He says. – "And what if you arrived on time, Blair?" – He asks. She shivers from the cold, he can tell, and although he's sufficiently drunk, he can see her face below all the make up, and it isn't happy. She avoids his eyes for a few moments and then, she closes the space between them, with one small step, gluing her even skinnier body next to his, placing both of her cold hands on his neck, looking deeply into his eyes. He can't help, but put his both hands on her waist that seems smaller and different from the last time he held it, he can practically frame it with his fingers, and waits. He wants to kiss her first, he'd die to kiss her, right there and without thinking, but he dreamed of a moment where Blair Waldorf is coming to him, begging him to kiss her. And although he can barely say if that is a dream or reality, he just stands in front of her, feeling every bump from her body, being pressed on his, feeling her waist in his hands, he remain calm and cold as the snow that is falling down. Her long fingers are framing his neck and he has a hard time keeping his eyes open

"A happy start of the year. Because these past few drained life out of me." – She replies, inches away from his lips and he still doesn't let her out of his hands and her open fur coat is covering practically both of them. Nobody can see that he's holding her underneath it. – "Midnight passed, but…" – She lightly pulls his head towards her and kisses him. He tastes like whiskey and his lips are warm and soft as she remembers. She can feel his fingers digging into her waist, holding her even more firmly, maybe even too hard, like a punishment or maybe fear that she'll disappear. What starts as a gentle kiss with mouths semi open, continues into a passionate make out. He inhales sharply and forgets about everything. There is no Serena, no apartment on the Upper East Side, no money that aren't bringing him happiness, no Chuck Bass, nothing. Just him, Blair Waldorf and this New Year kiss that seems to suffocate them both. But neither of them stops. She hugs his neck with her arms so firmly as if she's afraid he'd go away. He holds her with one hand on her bare back, and the other placed on her chest, moving slowly to her neck, where he can feel her pulse. She bites his lower lip, knowing that it'd drive him crazy, and he lets her without protest. Kissing Blair Waldorf was stronger than any alcohol he was willing to drink that night. They have always been synchronised, their lips like made to rest on each other.

When finally they both stop for air, with swollen lips from kissing like they never had before, he takes his hands off her and covers her chest with the coat. She instantly feels colder than before.

"Were you jealous?" – He asks, hungry inhaling cold air. Her lips are no longer shiny red. The lipstick is all ruined around her chin and lips, and he knows people will know she has been heavily kissed. He runs his thumb over her lower lip, because of a habit that was always making him excited, and because touching Blair's lips was always causing him fire on the inside. Her eyes are glued on his face, full with desire and he knows that she's content he still reacts helpless when she kisses him.

"I saw you didn't kiss her back" – She says with a smirk and satisfaction that he still cares.

"How long were you observing, Blair?"

"Enough" – She says. He tries to cover her chest again, even though the fur coat isn't meant to be buttoned up.

"Why he let you wonder through New York with a coat that can't be buttoned, you'll catch a cold"

"Because he doesn't care and neither do I. We're done. Dead. "

"So you came after me? To ruin my life and what I have with Serena, knowing that I wouldn't resist you… at least when I'm drunk?"

"No. I just wanted a New Year kiss. A real one. Because I haven't have it for a very long time. Are you both happy?" – She snaps. He looks down.

"Why would you care?"

"You loved her once" – Blair adds quietly.

"Yeah, when I was a teenager. Now it's just a habit, but you should know best.

Serena's voice comes from the inside, giggling and they know she's close.

"Go inside" – Blair says, with voice colder than the air. Serena's voice is getting closer and even though the music is loud, they can hear her talking to someone saying "Dan…home…I still…want to…party"

"No" – Says Dan.

"Dan, go inside, I told you why I came, now it all seems stupid and childish, so go!" – She repeats, and she can pretend but Dan knows she's hurt. Another "no" comes out of his lips. He slowly takes her hand, and drags her in the dark corner of the balcony.

"Then take me out of here." – Blair says in the dark.

Serena never comes out on the balcony, even though Dan and Blair wait in the dark corner for another fifteen minutes. Then Blair, goes through the living room, incognito the same way she entered and Dan follows her within five minutes. He spots Serena dancing with Nate's PR from his campaign, a thirty something, awfully rich bastard, but he doesn't feel not even a tiniest bit jealous. He doesn't even bother to go and look for his coat.

Down, in front of the building, everything is white and the snow falls heavier. Blair is nowhere to be seen. Once again that terrible feeling of losing her, the bone in his throat and the urge to vomit his intestines is ripping his body. He starts counting how many drinks he had, what day is that day, how many blocks is Nate's place away from his… He starts doubting that he invented the whole thing up, there was no Blair up on the balcony of Nate's penthouse. But the taste of her strawberry-cinemon lipstick lingers on his lips and it kills him. The street is crowded with cabs and drunk people in them, yelling, making out, drivers that aren't happy to drive on that very night. All Dan can feel is panic and anger, and if he had a gun in that moment he'd probably shoot his head. It seems to him like he stands there for an eternity, and just when he's about to turn around and go upstairs and kill his liver with another double Whiskey, yellow cab stops in front of him.

She opens the door and he gets inside fast.

"Williamsburg" – Blair tells the cab driver and he starts driving again.

"What? Blair, it's cold there, the heating is off and…"

"Then where, your place?" – She asks, placing her both hands over her chest.

"I thought, the penthouse…"

"Nobody knows I'm in New York, and I don't want to see my mother right now" – She says sharply.

"Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you. The loft is as cold as outside." – She turns her head slightly towards him and gives him one of her tiny smirks, with her long lashed eyes semi open.

He doesn't dare to touch her in the cab. Not because he's afraid that someone will see them, but because he's afraid the whole thing is a dream and any movement will destroy it and he will wake up.

The loft is dark when they enter. He turns on the lights, but only a few of them work, and again they don't give too much light. The place is dusty. He can't remember when was the last time he came over there to write, and since Rufus travels the country in those past six months, the place is a mess. Blair doesn't say anything.

"So?" – He says. – "You want something to drink? If there is actually anything…"

She observes him, walking behind the counter, opening cabinets and looking for a bottle of any alcohol.

"You had enough and I don't want to drink" – She says. But he still manages to find half full bottle of Scotch.

"I better not be sober this night, Blair. I better be very drunk when you'll decide to leave. " – He says.

Inside is really very cold, and Blair can finally feel it. She tries to keep the coat over her chest but her feet are frozen. As Dan takes a long drag from the bottle, she comes closer to him and takes it from his hand. It is the first time, Dan sees her drinking from a bottle. And it wasn't just a tiny sip.

"I have to get warm" - She says after she finishes.

The furniture in the living room is covered with white sheets and the place is no longer warm and welcoming as she can remember.

"Give me that bottle" – Dan says, takes her hand and leads her into his room. He opens his closet and takes all the blankets he can find in there. He spreads them on the bed and then lies beneath them. Blair stands by the bed in the semi dark room. – "It's a bit better like this." – He says. He doesn't know if that would irritate her, or she really means to stay that night.

"Thank you" - Blair whispers and slides under the blankets, still wearing her fur coat. Although he's stiffed, she sticks her body next to his, and hugs him.

"For what?" – Dan asks.

"For this. For taking me here."

"How drunk are you really Blair?" – He finally asks.

"I had three long sips from your staled Scotch. I'm not drunk" - He turns his head towards her and tries to see her face in the dark.

"You're lying"

"I'm not" – She sighs, still hugging him firmly. – "I won't even ask how drunk you are"

"Enough to be here with you. "

"If something goes wrong, I'll say I kidnapped you" – She giggles.

"It's not funny Blair. I'm cheating on my girlfriend."

"You cheated on me, far worse than this simple warming in bed with blankets and all clothes on, in your empty loft."

"And a kiss" – He adds.

"I told you to go, you said no, remember?" – She cuts with his words like a razor.

"I want to know what happened that made you come here. "

She stays quiet for a while, just breathing in and out and there is nothing else to be heard but her heavy breathing. It isn't much different she thinks, (them cuddling in bed) than those careless nights spent in that bed, when he was loving her.

"We're simply not meant to be, as I always thought."

"Just like that?"

"Similarities attract, nit differences, Dan. He wants to win that Empire back, and I want New York. He wants long and boring business dinners, I want to read a book. He wants power and money and I sometimes need simple life... I just don't feel comfortable there with him any more. I don't think he even noticed that I was gone. " – She stops and sighs. – "I don't think I love him any more." – The words are hitting Dan hard, and he feels he becomes sober right after she pronounces them. – "I don't love him for a long time." – The way she says it, like a burden falling of her chest, makes him think that she needed time to say it out loud and admit it to herself. Her hand slowly drops from his chest, and she slowly moves her body from his. It's instantly colder he can feel. – "After all, it really turned out the way you said it would. And the worst thing is, I do think I deserve this misery" – Her voice sounds sharp but he can feel the sting in her throat, and he knows she's thankful the room is dark so he won't see her teary eyes.

"You know…" – He starts. – "Every day I think that this is how it's supposed to be. I live in a very expensive apartment, my books are selling great, I traveled the entire country promoting them… "Inside" got its seventh foreign language translation." – She is now on an elbow length away from him. – "I have Serena." – He adds and he can see her turning her head to the other side.

"I'm sorry for intruding your life" – She says, and takes off the blankets, ready to go, when he grabs her hand.

"Stay Blair" – He says. – "All these things I just told you…I have them…but it doesn't mean any of it makes me happy." – Her body is no longer pulling to get away from that bed. She stays where she is, letting him put the blankets over her again. She lies down, putting her head on his pillow, her body towards him and he hugs her even closer. – "I am not happy. " – He adds. – "Everyday I pass by your building, I'm seeing the places you shopped and ate, every now and then your mother has lunch with Serena and uses some words that you used to say. I haven't wrote a single word in a year and a half, because I'm afraid I'll end up writing about you, and I can't let myself suffer again. And nobody mentions you, and I think I have fooled myself, I forgot about you, and then out of nowhere… somebody will mention your name. And then you'll show up, with your red lips and your eyes, looking at me like there is nobody else in the world, and I know you'll trick me again, and I'll end up writing about you again and Serena will know…no matter how you turn this story up, I'll end up fucked up in the head. But it doesn't matter, this is still surreal for me, and I'm glad I'm drunk, otherwise my heart wouldn't make it" – As he speaks, she puts her hand over his face and strokes his jaw line. He stops when she does it and can hear her sniffing quietly. – "Why do you cry? You always find a way to survive, Blair." – She doesn't reply anything, letting her tears wet the pillow.

"I don't want to ruin your relationship with Serena, or disturb you…I just thought…that maybe if I start the year with you…" – He wipes of the tears from her face with his thumb.

"Just start it?" – He smiles. – "I just wanted to start life with you, Blair. Simple things… like waking up before you so I can make coffee for you, or watching damn Breakfast at Tiffany's till I won't be able to look at Audrey's face ever again, or take you to East River bank in the middle of the night, for no reason, so we can cuddle and watch Manhattan in the dark… I don't have any of it, I don't want to have it with others.

"Have you proposed to her?" – She asks.

"Are you even listening to me?"- Dan can't believe what he hears.

"Answer me"

"No."

"Will you? Soon… or ever?"

"No." – He sighs. – "Will you go back to him?"

"No" – She replies.

"Are you sure?"

"I flew over half the world Humphrey, hoping and imagining that you'd be kind enough to talk to me, why would I go back."

"Do you feel warm now?" – He asks, although the air in the loft is quite chill.

"I am"

Silence covers the room and they relax under tha warmth of the blankets and their own bodies, still being extremely close to each other. As they slowly drift to sleep, she moves closer to his face and presses her lips to his.

"Are you leaving?" – He mumbles into her mouth.

"Humphrey" – She says. – "Should I draw to you? I want to be here. In New York. If you possibly want me to be your friend I'll be happy. I'd even accept to be your mistress…" – She says very quietly.

"I don't want you to be my mistress. You weren't born to be anyone's mistress. I want you to be my Blair Waldorf."

"What we gonna do? You won't change your mind in the morning once you sober up?" – She asks.

"What time is it Blair?" – He asks her.

"Around 2AM"

"Has Serena even bothered to call me? I won't change my mind. I want you."

And they fall asleep, hugging tight on each other. Blair would kiss him every once in a while in the middle of her sleep, and he is not sure if their romance ended at all, because all of it reminds him of the happy days.

Not sure if tbc


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Ok, sorry it took me so long, but I was busy and I really had to feel the next chapter. Plus I'm not quite satisfied with this one, but it's done, so voila :D

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Serena doesn't even notice Dan's absence, not until she realizes it's almost 5 in the morning and people are leaving the party to continue drinking in the bars around the city. She asks people if they saw him but they are either too drunk to remember who Dan Humphrey was, or they don't know him at all. When she tries to call him, his phone is off. Only then she realizes that she's been drinking and partying for almost five hours, not even considering that he might have left without her, or even worse, that something bad happened to him. She looks for Nate to ask him if he saw Dan.  
Nate is having a quiet conversation with Jenny in his library, full with books that he never read. When Jenny hears that her brother disappeared, she has the sting of doubt in her stomach, because she saw a woman in the dark, entering the penthouse alone and heading straight to the balcony. She didn't give much of a thought till that moment, when she realized that it might have been Blair Waldorf. Even though Serena panics and tries to call him over and over, Jenny doesn't mention anything about Blair.

"Have you tried calling in his apartment?" – Nate asks. – "He's probably home, if he was that drunk, he probably went home and sleeps like dead. Don't worry." – He tries to calm Serena down.  
"I kept calling and calling there and nobody picks up the phone and his cell phone is dead." - Jenny hates that Serena interupps her first meaningful conversation she has with Nate in years, but when Serena starts to cry (something that hasn't changed in years when she's completely drunk, Jenny thinks) she decides to join the conversation and maybe try to help her. Even though she's sure that Dan is fine, she decides that she can't stay and do nothing. Nate suggests for all of them to go and check Dan's apartment. In Nate's town car, Serena sniffs her tears in between the long sips of champagne, babbles that she'd kill herself if something bad happened to him, which makes Jenny rolling her eyes. Of course the apparment is empty. Her penthouse is empty too, and then Nate asks if he might have gone to the loft. Jenny knows that if he didn't do anything stupid, he is there for sure. Still, she doesn't say anything, but then Nate gives his driver the Brooklyn address.

"Dan can't be in the loft, are you stupid?" – Jenny raises her voice unexpectedly. – "What he would do there? The heating is off, it hasn't been cleaned since god knows when…Maybe we should just…try call him again, or go to the police"

"The police?" – Serena cries. – "You don't think…." – Jenny has absolutely no tolerance for her, when she hangs her long arms around her and weeps in her chest.

"Fine. Brooklyn then." – Jenny adds, thinking that if Dan is there with Blair, then maybe Serena should see that.

…

On the other side of the city, Blair Waldorf and Dan Humphrey are not aware of the drama that Dan's disappearance has caused. He opens his eyes, and although it's still dark, he can see that she's awake.

"Thank God, Humphrey!" – She says.

"What?" - It's like he just opened his eyes and she's ready to argue.

"I waited for you to wake up, I really have to go to the bathroom."

"Why didn't you go?" – He mumbles sleepily.

"Because…" – She quickly gets out of the bed, complaining how cold outside the bed is, and goes to the bathroom. She comes back quickly and when she sneaks inside, she brings all the coldness with her. – "…I didn't want you to wake up and see that I wasn't there, because we all know how you presume things and make conclusions." – She can see that he is looking at her with eyes wide open, and looks pretty much sober. They had many intimate moments, but it wasn't until then she felt completely exposed and lightly embarrassed. He keeps staring at her, gently moving the duvet above her shoulder. – "What?" – She asks after few long quiet minutes.

"That is probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me " –He smiles and gets closer to her lips. That's when they can hear three different voices coming from the outside. The conversation is incoherent, but it's not hard to guess who the people talking on the other side of the door are. Serena's whining and high pitched voice is the loudest among the rest and Blair jumps up.

"Do you have fire escape?"

"What for?" – Dan asks lazily, not moving from his spot.

"Are you deaf?" – She asks whispering, pointing her index finger to the side where the front door is. He pulls her arm down so she cal lie down again, and she does, because she loses balance. His arms are strong and they keep her glued on his chest, and even though she is not fully relaxed, she gives in, because it's nice and warm to be there again. – "I can't be stigmatized again, Humphrey."

"They won't get inside, so why do you panic?" – He says quietly.

"Can't you hear Jenny? And Serena probably got a key, because you were nowhere to be found. They were looking for you the entire night, it's selfish not to…"

"What? Оpen the door?" – He chuckles quietly. – "I left around midnight. It's almost dawn now. So relax, Serena doesn't have a new key, and neither does Jenny."

And they keep lying in bed, covered with every possible blanket and duvet Dan could found in the dark loft. They still wear all of their clothes and coats, but it doesn't mean anything, because they don't have to do anything beside lying next to each other and feeling calm and satisfied.

"_Dan? Are you there?" _ - Nate's voice echoes in the loft. – _"Come on man, just open the door if you're there, we are all worried." – _Serena's crying voice and incoherent words are covering Nate's words.

"_Dan, you've changed the lock, so I know you're inside." - _ Jenny adds, but she doesn't sound strict or judgmental. The knocking on the door is getting louder.

"Dan, please." – Blair says. Go and open the door.

"You won't go out through the fire escape!" – He says firmly.

"But…"

"Are you even listening to yourself? Who possesed Blair Waldorf, come out instantly!" – He giggles. – "Blair, your heels, not to mention that you are wearing long dress and a heavy coat. Besides from the first floor you will have to jump on the street, which is one storey and I'd rather be caught with you than let you do it. Caught…It sounds like I'm doing a crime." - He breaths out sharply.

"_DAN"__ - _ Nate yells his name again, knocking even harder.

"Ok, I'll stay in the bathroom." – Blair says.

They both get out of bed and before Blair walks to the bathroom, he grabs her hand, pulls her into him and kisses her. And it's not just a quick peck on the lips. He kisses her passionately and he takes his time, like there are no three crazy worried people outside screaming his name. He takes his time, like the world will stop spinning when he's going to open the door. And even though Blair is constantly alerted, she gives in. After all, kissing Dan Humphrey was always a natural act, no matter how bad and guilty she felt about in certain moments. It's about the way he doesn't kisses only with his lips, but his entire body kisses her, his hands firmly but gently holding her waist, and then wondering up and down her spine, his chest glued against hers, so close she can feel his heartbeat. His breathing, always heavy like he can't get enough, like if he stops kissing her, he'd suffocate. And she truly likes to open her eyes and observe his content face. None of the boys she has kissed, ever had the heavenly face like Dan has, completely unaware of the world while kissing her.

And no matter how hypnotically wonderful it is, she has to break it and go to the bathroom and Dan goes to the door and opens it. The three of them are standing in front of him, almost not believeing that he was inside for the entire time. And what's even weirder, he's all dressed up.

"Are you OK?" – Serena throws herself into him, hugs him and kisses his cheek. When he slowly removes her arms from around his neck and lightly pushes her off of him, Jenny knows. A woman is there with him, and she knows her brother wouldn't just go and cheat on Serena with anyone. It has to be Blair. Otherwise he wouldn't even move away from Serena. For Christ sake, Jenny thinks, she can smell that Channel 5 all over the place. Serena talks fast that she was looking for him and was sick of worries, but that she's glad that he was fine. Nate adds some words that he's glad he's ok, he doesn't ask too many questions, because he knows too that Dan was with a girl there, but little he knows, as always, that Blair is just ten steps away.

When finally Dan looks at Jenny, her face is unreadable, she just stares at him and he knows that she knows. She doesn't even blink, she just gives him semi judgmental, semi disgusted face and keeps quiet.

"Come on, let's go home" – Serena grabs his hand. Dan doesn't even get a chance to tell them a lie why he got in Brooklyn.

"I'll stay here tonight" – He says. Serena protests, and Jenny suggests that she and Nate should go. Dan knows that if Jenny stays there for another minute, she'd walk into every room inside and find Blair. And he's glad that his sister leaves without words. Serena however stays. She tries to button her silver sparkling blazer that doesn't cover much, because she can't stop shivering.

"Serena." – Dan starts, not moving from the open door, although she is in the middle of the living room. – "I want to stay here by myself." – He adds. She looks at him questionably. – "And not just tonight."

"I don't understand"

"I don't want to live in that building anymore."

"What happened?"

"I'm not happy over there."

"Anything you want, but we can't stay here tonight because it's too cold" – She walks closer and tries to hug him.

"No."

"What's with you? I'm sorry I didn't look for you earlier"

"I don't want to be in this relationship anymore." – He exhales and feels instantly lighter. Serena just stares at him, with her still wet eyes, and he can tell she is kind of relieved but he knows she'd go mad because she isn't the one that ends it.

"Did you spend the night with someone else?" – She asks.

"This has nothing to do with this night. I wanted to break up for a very long time, and don't tell me that you didn't feel the same way. You know that we were just forcing each other on this and neither of us was happy."

"Is it Blair?"- Serena doesn't hear a word he says.

"I just wanted…" – He continues, but Serena is already out of her mind and she raises her voice.

"IS. IT. BLAIR?" – She emphasizes each word very loudly.

"Yes" – He admits. Serena slaps him so hard, his head turns to the right. – "Is she here now?" – But before he answers, Blair opens the door and walks to the living room. In the dim light from the lamps and the natural dawn light that gets brighter, her face seems pale, her lips are not red any more, and tracks of her red lipstick can be seen on the corners of her mouth. Her hair is a mess, but she is dressed up, wearing her long fur coat.

"Aren't you fucking married?" – Serena sasses with arrogant tone. – "Wasn't Chuck enough?"

"I'm sorry." – Blair says.

"No, we are not." – Dan interrupts her. – "It's not Blair's fault. It's mine. It isn't even mine, I told you I didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. It's not cheating."

"You are so broken, that I don't think anyone can fix you Dan Humphrey" – Serena sobs. – "It is cheating!" – She screams.

"We are not even together at all. You travel, work, go at parties, and when we are together we can't be more distant and absent from ourselves." – Their voices are covering the room and Blair realizes that she can't take to watch that, even though her drunken self was ready to do anything just to get back Dan. Her face is cold and then she feels warm tears rolling down.

"I can't" – She whispers and walks between them in order to get out of he loft, but in the middle of the fight, Dan grabs her arm.

"Blair wait!" – He stops her.

"No. It was a mistake and I can't take this" – She tries to set herself free.

"Oh, I'll go, you two lovebirds stay, kiss and make up" – Serena says cynically. – "Does Chuck know that you are on the other side of the world, Blair? Stealing my boyfriend? Again?" – Blair runs out the loft and Dan goes after her.

It's snowing and the city seems dark and gray in the dawn. The temperature is below zero and Blair feels her tears freezing on her face. What seemed like the best decision yesterday, in the morning seems like the worst possible choice. She feels like a whore, a sinner and low life, even though she isn't. All she ever wanted and needed was the comfort of Dan's arms and his presence to bring her back to life. And now being accused by Serena that she's a slut, makes her feel like she wants to throw herself off Brooklyn Bridge. She walks fast, on the snowy and frosty street with her high heels, when she twists her ankle and falls down. It hurts like hell and she feels like screaming, but she doesn't let herself do it, not even one moan. She can't move from the spot, crying quietly with probably broken ankle and the snow is peacefully falling over her.

"Blair!" – Dan finally spots her sitting in pain on the street. – "What happened?" – He kneels next to her.

"I think I broke my ankle" – She cries. – "I can't move my leg"

Dan pushes the silken fabric of her long gown up her leg, touching her already swollen ankle with his fingers.

"I don't think it's broken, but I'm taking you to the hospital." – He gets closer to her, puts one arm under her knees and the other under her back and lifts her. He carries her down the street till the first cab comes along.

"This is not your fault. It's no ones. We were so broken and over, it was just time when the whole thing would have exploded. " – He speaks into her hair, as he holds her in his arms in the cab.

"Shut up Humphrey, I don't even listen to what you are saying, my leg is killing me" – She grips tight his shirt and he kisses her temple.

…

Jenny and Nate are heading back at Nate's, and on the way they get themselves breakfast. It's not even an hour after they finish it and are cuddling on the big sofa, as Serena storms inside.

"Jenny!" – She shouts her name. – "You knew!" – She points her index finger towards Jenny.- "You were so calm because you knew. Blair was there with him!"

Jenny lowers her eyes on the floor not saying anything, as Nate's jaw drops open and a little smile spreads on his mouth.

"This has just begun! Don't say I didn't warn any of you" – Serena threatens them and before they can say anything back, she leaves.

…

Blair's ankle is broken after all and she ends up with a plaster and stilts. Dan takes her to the penthouse, even though she insists to go in a hotel. Eleanor doesn't stop asking questions, as Dan carries Blair upstairs in his arms. She walks after them inside Blair's room, insisting to know what happened. She thanks Dan and arrogantly tells him to leave.

"No, mother! Dan stays" – Blair says. – "Only Dan."

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as Blair falls asleep from the strong painkillers, which is almost ten minutes after Dan helps her lie down in her bed, he goes downstairs where Eleanor and Cyrus are sitting and waiting in the livingroom. Eleanor seems upset and irritated, while Cyrus looks at Dan with grateful and warm eyes. Dan slowly steps down the stairs and walks to them.

"Can I actually be informed what happened to my daughter?" – Eleanor stands up from the sofa and doesn't even try to sound nice or calm. Dan assures her that Blair will be well. Slowly, with skipping certain details of he and Blair kissing and then running away from the party, he tells her that Blair came back to New York because she was homesick and things with Chuck weren't the best. He explains how she twitched her ankle on the frosty street and how he took her to the hospital. – "All right." – Eleanor still looks at him with doubt, but she knows from before that this kid never did a thing to hurt her daughter. As a matter of fact, she was unpleasantly surprised the year when Blair left the boy for Chuck.

When Dan heads to the elevator, Eleanor stops him, asking him to stay that night, because they already had a booked flight for Paris. Nobody knew that Blair was about to come back, they were expecting her in Paris after New Year. She gives him instructions, phone numbers of their private physician, a surgeons Cyrus knows, a pharmacists, friends that work in few private hospitals… Despite everything, she knows that Dan would take better care for Blair than anyone else. She goes upstairs to kiss Blair goodbye, and although she will be back in two weeks, she feels guilty for not being able to be there for Blair when she truly needs her.

"People will get upset, but don't fall under that presure. Women like them…" – Cyrus brings him a cup of coffee. – "Are always thought to end up with moguls, powerful, cliche men with reputation and people expect that those men would change for them… Son, Blair is like my biological daughter, and I would rather see her with you in Brooklyn, than somewhere around this world in a cold and luxuriuos hotel room, alone, drunk and maybe beaten up because of a stupid reason. She's the girl who'd rather stay in a marriage than get out of it, because she sticks to the fairy tale she fixed in her head, but I'm sure that fairy tale is with you. After all, you know how to write fairy tales!" – Cyrus quickly finishes his sentence when he sees Eleanor coming back downstairs, confirming that Blair is in a deep slumber.

After they leave, Dan stays in the penthouse alone with Blair upstairs sleeping. It's almost two in the afternoon, and his year started with no phone calls from dear people to wish him a happy start in the new year. He doesn't even attempt to do the same. He has no one to call, except maybe his father, but he decides to wait for a few more hours, because Rufus is spending the holidays on Hawaii with his brother and his family, after the break up with his last girlfriend. The thought of having the same life as his father shatters his soul, and he is now sure that finally he has to pull himself together and fight for Blair.

He turns on the TV to distract himself while Blair sleeps, when his phone rings.

"Hey Jenny" – He says, when he picks up the phone. – "Happy New Year to you too" – He can tell her voice is sarcastic.

"_Just what are you doing, Dan?" _– She asks. – _"Why are you such a masochist? She is going to get over herself, go back to Chuck and you will end up alone again. Then she'll show up out of nowhere and she'd trick you again. Haven't you learned anything from Dad? First mom, then Lily. I hate to see you broken!" _– Jenny never sugarcoats anything, not since she gets back from Europe, with a very prestigious diploma and life experience under her belt.

"Not this time" – Dan replies.

"_Keep lying to yourself. And I'm not saying that you should go back to Serena. You should get the hell out of the Upper East Side and get yourself together." _

"Speaking of, you disappeared with Nate if I remember well?" – Dan stabs right in the center. She is quiet for some time.

"_This is different."_

"Because? You went to Europe, got cleared from all the shit you had in New York and now you're ready for some more. Jenny please. You know everything without even me telling you. So if you aren't going to be on my side, just don't work against me" – He sighs. Jenny is quiet again, because she knows, she has read Inside, long time before it actually got published. Dan never knew, but she was sneaking around his computer and was sniffing into his things, like a good curious little sister and she was mortified, touched and disgusted in the same time. He was writing about Blair Waldorf as if she was a gift from god, yet he was hating her so much in real life. She was trying to understand but all she knew was that he was losing touch with reality whenever he would have written another chapter.

"_Fine."_ – She says. – _"Call Dad." – _She hangs up first.

It's almost six in the afternoon, and the night is slowly covering the city, when he hears Blair crying in the room. He quickly runs upstairs to check on her.

"Are you ok?" – He asks, but she can't answer, she is just crying in pain and he knows that the painkillers are no longer doing their work. The doctor told her to take painkillers every 6 to 8 hours.

"It just hurts so bad" – She cries like a child. Dan helps her to get a better position, placing two soft pillows under her foot and one under her head. – "I just took my pill and it doesn't work".

"Ok, calm down, it can't start working in the same second you took it. Just wait"

"Can you make me tea?" – She sniffs into a paper tissue she pulls from the box on her nightstand.

And he goes to prepare camomile tea for her. When he comes back, she's calm. He puts the cup on her nightstand and just when he prepares to leave the room, Blair catches his hand.

"Stay with me" – She smiles and pulls him, so Dan sits on the bed next to her. – "Why aren't you…Why aren't you more competitive? You should have run after me!" – She starts giggling and pulls his arm so he has no choice and leans over her, still sitting on the bed.

"Blair, how many pills you took?" – He asks.

"I just took another one. So two." – She giggles. – "I don't feel any pain and I love how light I feel."

"Ok, this is serious. I'll have to call your doctor or check on the Internet, because you might get over dosed." – He tries to get off her arms, but she has them both around his neck so his face is buried in her neck.

"I love you Dan Humphrey. I love you so much it's crazy and funny. I even told Chuck!" – She says with happy voice, sighing each word and she truly sounds like she feels light. Dan stiffens after what she says. – "I was so lonely there. I had nothing to do, but follow him like a puppy wherever he was going. He hired an assistant so I can have someone to talk to. Another assistant that would entertain me. Gosh…" – She is giggling harder and harder and just when Dan thinks he can rise up, she grabs him even harder. – "You smell nice" – She inhales. – "Do you know that one night I got so drunk I told that assistant everything. I mean, she was asking me the entire time why I was so unhappy and of course I was lying, and then I got drunk…it was worse than now" – She laughs in his ear. – "I told her about you. I told her that there was this guy back home… If there wasn't Serena, I'd have probably ended up head over heels…" - A chuckle - "...with Dan Humphrey even back then, but then Chuck distracted me, and Nate, and Serena too was always on my way. And I told her that you were so smart it was killing me to know that there was someone maybe even smarter than me at school. And I told her how terrible you looked and… She said she knew who you were because she read that book." – Her arms are slowly relaxing and they fall by her side but she is still giggling after every third word. – "I told her that you have this stupid hair, and that you have big brown puppy eyes and that you've never looked at me, not even once with disgust and that I truly miss you so much, and that sometimes I cry myself to sleep in my pillow, and it's so quiet because he sleeps next to me, and I have to go to the closet or the bathroom and open that box…You know that I still keep the tiara. And she told me that I'm one of the dumbest people she has ever met because I willingly pushed love and happiness away from me….And… I mean… She said how can you be so dumb Blair, the guy wrote a fucking book where he describes how much he admires and loves you…" – And then she starts sobbing, and Dan can't tell if she's crying or giggling. He keeps sitting leaned over her, brushing her hair off her face and the tears from under her eyes. – "And I realized she was right. Until that evening I was trying to convince myself that I made the right choice." – She puts her hands on his hand and she holds his wrist as he strokes her face. Her sobs are covering the room and are making his eyes wet too. – "You should reject me, you should insult me, not take me back with open arms. I hurt you…I don't even know how many times and you were nothing but a true friend. And you love me. For me. My mother doesn't love me for me." – Dan lowers himself close to her head and kisses both her eyes, brushing the tears away.

"Shhh." – He doesn't know what else to say after her probably most honest confession. – "I can't do anything to hurt you, even if I wanted to."

"I told her that you were a great kisser. A delicate one." – She sighs a bit more calmer. – "What am I gonna do now…with Serena and Chuck?"

Dan raises and sits straight next to her. He can see that Blair is slowly drifting to sleep but after what she said he's sure he won't give up. Just when he is about to stand up and leave her alone she grabs his hand again.

"Don't" – She mumbles. – "Sleep with me. And I need pajamas, the gown is killing me." – He then realizes she is still in the same dress from the previous night. – "Get me something comfortable..."

Dan goes into the walk in closet. There aren't many clothes left, just the ones Blair was too emotionally attached to give away. There are gowns he remembers she wore them back in college and some of them even in high school. Some dresses, her uniform, lots of shoes she wore just once. And there it is. A big pink fluffy gown, hanged in the back of section with the gowns. He touches it with the tips of his fingers, memory flushing his head and he turns his head around. He has to find her pajamas. The drawers are full with silky night gowns, classy pajamas and negligees and he doesn't know which one would be most suitable for her. He grabs a pair of puce cashmere pajamas and only when he closes the drawer he realizes a piece of clothes falls on the floor. A gray NYC Fire Department t-shirt, she used to wear every time she'd have stay in the loft. She hated his clothes, but she always wanted to wear one of his flannels or cotton t shirts. This one was long, baggy and worn out, yet was still soft and he knew that she loved it, because once absentmindedly she told him, it smelled like him.

He goes back and slowly helps her to rise and sit up. She holds his shoulders as he gently unzips the zipper on the back of her dress. Her head is heavy and she leans it on his collarbone. She seems skinnier, he can see now, her ribs are visible. Few cranky noises come out of her mouth and he knows it's because his hands are cold. He lets her lie back down as he slowly pulls the dress down her hips.

"Should I…?" – He asks unsure if he should help her take off the strapless bra or let her sleep in it. She mumbles incoherently yes, but he puts one sleeve and then another on her arms and with a little effort the top is buttoned up on her. Then he lifts her up again and puts his arms beneath the pajama top and takes off her bra.

"Always a gentleman, Humphrey" – She giggles quietly. He takes off the entire dress down her legs, very carefully trying not to make her feel any movement on her hurt leg and then even more gently he tries to put the bottoms on her. – "I'm not made of porcelain, and I got two painkillers, you won't break me" – She smiles with her eyes closed. Finally, she's dressed in her pajamas. – "You won't go, right?" – She asks when he goes back to the closet. He comes back still wearing his pants and the t-shirt, leaving his white shirt and the coat on the ottoman.

"I'm here, Blair" – He lies behind her. She reaches for his arm and when she finds it, she places it above her waist. They fall asleep like that.

….

They would have slept even more if noise from a phone didn't wake them up. The unknown ringtone is quickly silenced. Both of them are slowly waking up and right before they drift away to sleep a voice stabs the silence.

"My, my"- It's slow, it's raspy and it's well known. – "My wife in bed with Humphrey. I should have seen this coming." – Chuck sits on a chair opposite of the bed, observing them with a disgusted face and a cynical smile.

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

A/N I know, the update is not really on time, but I was in a bad mood lately, working on something else, alas I wrote another chapter. Hope you like it, and I'll try to update more frequently.

* * *

"Now this was fast, I have to say" – Chuck mumbles incoherently, killing them both with his dark eyes. He waited for few moments before he woke them up, observing the picture of them in bed, tightly holding on each other, him spooning her, and her holding his arm around her waist like it was made of gold. It sickened him, but the masochist in him had to absorb the picture in his brain.

Dan slowly raises from the bed and Blair also tries to at list sit up in the bed. Chuck sits coldly in the chair, not moving his arms or legs, just follows Dan with his eyes like a wild animal.

"I knew I'd find you here. I thought you'd prefer the dusty loft in his neighborhood, but I see you wanted to remain classy." - He stings.

"Chuck enough" – Blair hisses, unable to stand or move from the bed. Her ankle hurts like hell and Chuck only adds oil to the fire. – "I want you out or I'll call the police for intruding." - He starts laughing cynically.

Dan quickly puts on his New Year's costume in Blair's wardrobe and gets back in the room.

"Let's talk downstairs." – Dan says coldly. – "Anything you have to say to her, tell me first. As a matter of fact I have some things to say to you."

"God…aren't you sick from all that hero complex, Humphrey? I came here to bring my wife to reason, not to listen to you. Now, if you'll please excuse me." – He stands up from the chair and lightly pushes Dan outside the room. He locks the door, and even though Dan yells from the outside to let him in, Chuck stays deaf to his words.

"Will you please explain to me your slutty behavior?" – Chuck says, walking slowly to the window and observes the city from there. – "Serena called. She said you were whoring around with Humphrey these last few days. I thought you had more respect for yourself. What is wrong with you?"

Blair doesn't answer to any of the insults. Dan still tries to enter Blair's room from Serena's old room, but Chuck is faster so he locks that door too. Dan's incoherent words and pleads to let him in are completely ignored.

"What did you miss? Thrill? Money? Love? Sex? New York? What? Poetry maybe? Classless stories written by him?" – He doesn't even raise his voice and it is twice as more irritating for her to listen. – "I don't know how to handle you anymore. I don't know what you want, but embarrassing me and my name like this. Well, my beloved wifey, I won't let you do it. You will not get out of this room if it's necessary, but I will not permit you to destroy my reputation."

Blair just lies in bed, repeating in her head that he is not there and that she doesn't even listen to him. She is almost close to succeed believing in her mantra, when he grabs her arm violently, trying to take her out of bed. She loses her balance and falls on the floor, screaming in pain. That's when he sees that her ankle in hurt. Dan's knocking and yelling are getting even louder as Blair screams.

"You animal. Get out!" – Blair screams in pain. He just observes her, not even trying to help her or get her back in bed.

"What happened? Humphrey was rough?" – He chuckles almost inaudibly.

"It's none of your god damn business. I want divorce." – She yells and cries in the same time. Dan's knocking on the main door gets even louder, and it seems that he is kicking it with his leg. With her last atoms of strength she manages to stand on her sane leg and gets back to bed. Her breathing is shallow and fast, her eyes are teary and the pain in her leg is unbearable.

"Humphrey, I swear if you don't fucking stop it right now, I'm calling the goddamn security!" - Chuck goes by the door and yells.

"Unlock the door and get out. I want you out of here and out of my life." – She gets a pain killer and swallows it without water.

"Oh my. Your fire below just burned your cold exterior, I haven't seen this in a very long time. Remind me to thank Humphrey for this. But unfortunately, we are not gonna get divorced. At least, not until I say so. We are not gonna lie to each other, we're dead for a long time, but I'm not gonna let you ruin my reputation just like that. And just when I remember, people talked that I was going to be the one to ruin the marriage." – He laughs, and sits on the chair again.

"Do you want to know what I missed. Everything. This city, and my freedom and the people who understood me and maybe even Brooklyn."

"Don't be pathetic" – He adds, looking at her, cutting her with his eyes.

"If you cared so much, you'd have noticed my absence in the same minute I left. Go away Chuck. We only destroy each other and I really have no strength to be with you. Not anymore."

He observes her for a moment. Dan quits knocking and yelling and the room gets morbidly quiet.

"How you feel about Humphrey?" – Chuck finally asks with disgusted voice. – "Do not lie to me." - He commands.

She is quiet for half a minute.

"The worst thing I've ever done in my life was giving up on what I had with him."

"I asked for your feelings." - He interrupts her.

"I'm in love with Dan." – She says, bravely looking into his eyes. – "Not until two days ago I know that the emptiness in my guts was nothing else but nostalgia about him and regret and the most terrible depriving I have ever felt. I love Dan. Everything about him. The way he's my best friend and is always there for me even when he's not. The way he looks at me, like I'm the only girl in the world. The way he never insults me even if I deserve so. The way…just the way he is. I love him." – She breaths out all the words like she speaks to a girlfriend, not to her husband.

Chuck doesn't move from the chair, and his face gets visibly dark but he doesn't look away. There is not a single emotion that can be read on his face, although Blair can feel his anger.

"You asked and I told you." - She says quietly.

"How long do you feel this way?" - He sighs in pain.

"I'm aware of these emotions in the past three years. Unaware…since the first movie date we had. I'm sorry Chuck."

"You are an idiot Blair. But I'll be glad to see you going down, when you'll realize that this was just a phase. An unfinished business, since you dumped him like a dog. But, you want a divorce. You'll get it. And with that you will bury yourself deeper than ever. Your name will be insignificant. You won't be able to make anything here and you will be know as former Mrs. Bass. Good luck living with that and good luck with being a powerful woman."

Blair smiles tiredly on his worn off monolog.

"Good bye Chuck. I'd rather work in a Brooklyn gallery and sell hipster art, than be your shadow."

He stands from the char, lazily unlocks the door and leaves. She breathes out heavily like the hardest burden just fell off her chest, and then she remembers of Dan. She slowly gets out of the bed, walks with terrible pain in her ankle, rests her hand on the edge of the bed so she won't fall. The room never seemed so big before. Somehow she manages to get to the door. Just when she's about to fall on the floor unable to stand on her feet, Dan shows up at the door and catches her.

"I'm here." – He whispers, holding on her so tight, kissing her temple. He lifts her in his arms and gets her back to bed. They both know that Chuck won't just go without a battle. - "I...I heard what you said."

"Did you question my honesty last night, Humphrey?" - She smiles, resting her head on the pillow. He smiles gently to her, as he pets her hair. The pain killer slowly takes over her and she doze off. He kisses her lips lightly and keeps sitting by her side.

….

"I am going to kill them both" – Serena screams in tears, walking back and forth in the penthouse in the Empire. Chuck sits calmly on his arm chair, observing her frantic behavior. – "No, this time, I will not just give up"

"Everything is dead, so why don't you shut up" - Chuck's voice is low.

"What happened to you? Don't you love her? Don't you feel anger and jealousy?" - She stops for a moment.

"I lost this battle, the moment Humphrey kissed her for the first time." – He pours himself a full glass of scotch.

"I'm sick to be insulted and replaced. And I can't believe your words."

"What you gonna do, anyway? I have to give her that, that our marriage was a farce. I love her, but I don't. Not like before. I'm fed up." – He drinks and Serena can tell the drink is taking over him.

She gets her phone and dials a number.

"I have drafts…" – Chuck can hear. – "It's not a book, just some ramblings, but if Blair read them she'd hate him forever. I don't know when he wrote them, I guess he was so fucked up and hurt, he didn't know what he was thinking. I want you to publish them. No more questions" – Her voice sounds tirumphant and disapointed in the same time.

"You are the worst friend in the world, Serena." – Chuck says and takes another sip. - "This would be like trying to separate Lily and his father."

"You have to help me!" - Serena barks.

"And then what?"

"Just trust me on this!" - A smirk covers her teary face.

tbc


End file.
